But aging for men and women in society is very different. A man with graying hair is considered to be distinguished or a silver fox. I have never in my life heard a woman with graying hair described as a silver vixen. Well maybe with this younger generation things would begin to change for our male counterparts. Where as for some time now an older woman who pursues or dates a younger man is called a cougar a term I have never personally cared for. The male version has gone from stud to Manther. Hmmm. I've never been to big on labels and name calling.
Even when I was in my forties I didn't think much of what I would be doing in my older years. I still wasn't sure when that time would be. I would look at my Mother and thought of my grandmother and the only thing I knew for sure is I didn't want to be a burden on my daughter.
In 2013 I had a Total Abdominal Hysterectomy (TAH.) They unfortunately had to remove an ovary leaving me with one functional ovary. For any woman that may be facing having a hysterectomy let me say this. You should have support. Before and after the surgery. Luckily for me I found a group online (http://www.hystersisters.com/) that was a wealth of information and support. I don't think however anything could have prepared me for the emotional roller coaster ride that laid ahead. I remember dropping a napkin on the floor and bursting into tears because I couldn't pick it up. Hilarious now. Not so hilarious then. So 2013 was a land mark year for me. Had my baby motel removed, experienced a whirlwind of emotions and on the brighter side I turned my hobby into a business.
I didn't think anything could have been worse than those swinging moods. I was so wrong. 5 years later and Menopause was knocking at my door. I'm a little embarrassed to admit I didn't recognize the signs until some totally avoidable incidents at work. (I work full time at a restaurant as I build my business) It started with Night sweats. That's right. Night sweats in December 2017. Just like Hot Flashes these are sudden intense feelings of body heat that produces sweat during the night. This would happen about 3 - 4 times a night make having a restful nights sleep nothing more than a dream.
In April of 2018 there was a subtle shift in my mood. I started becoming more and more irritable. I tried to just brush it off. My birthday was coming up in a little over a month and I put it off as being a little upset to turning 52. Two years before my daughter burst my bubble when she informed me I was going to be 50 and not 49 as I had thought. Yes. That 1 year made a difference.
Looking back over the last 2 months I understand now what exactly was happening to me. Had I recognized the signs sooner I could have saved myself and others from a lot of pain. So what is so different now? Yes. There are mood swings.These are more intense than when I experienced them 5 years ago. Or maybe they only seem that way. After my hysterectomy I only had my family to deal with but now I have family, colleagues at work and staff. I have never been big on confrontation so I try to avoid it whenever possible. I'm also the person who puts other peoples feelings before my own. Dealing with the many personalities and the larger than life attitudes in the work place has become a larger than life struggle. There are days I would just cry for no particular reason.
I remember asking a colleague (with his annoying little quirks) to just stop as I couldn't handle his ways. Again I didn't know why I felt this way, I just did. He of course continued to be himself and one day 2 days before my birthday on what already had been the worst week he broke me. I went into work weak and emotional. Everyday after that has been a struggle.
It wasn't until after the first week of June I understood what was going on and why my emotions had betrayed me. I turned to my online group for answers and support. My older sisters had already gone through this change but none have experienced the swinging moods. To date my symptoms are as follows:
- Night Sweats
- Sleep Problems
- Irritability
- Frequent Migraine
- Fatigue
- Mood Swings
- Forgetfulness. And you thought pregnancy brain was bad.
- A touch of paranoia for good measure.
As I battle to keep my moods under control in the work environment I cry a lot more. Yesterday was a good day. I only cried 3 times during work. Unfortunately one of those times was in front of a Manager and colleague while she was confronting us with a problem my many moods had created. I broke down completely and told them what I had been going through. Not exactly the way I wanted it done. In fact I'm not even sure that I wanted anyone at work to even know. It's like my private hell is being made public. Now, all I need to find a way to deal with these changes. Ideally I'd like to take some time off ( aka vacation with extra time off) visit my doctor so we can work on a treatment that would allow me to function at work. Allowing my body the time to adapt to the HRT prescribed. This no doubt would be easier away from my work environment. If not well I guess I'd discover how supportive my colleagues at work are really.
I would like to note that a woman at any age who has had a hysterectomy with an Ooferectomy (removal of the ovaries) can experience Menopause. With every woman the experience is different. Under normal circumstances symptoms of Menopause can be experienced in the late forties to mid fifties.
